Contemptible, Remorseless Cunt

In the area in which I live, I am frequently reminded of the utter moral reprehensibility of Christian fundamentalists. They're almost like professional football players. Society holds them up as role models and beacons for morality, when they are both (mostly) despicable individuals. I'd even go as far as saying that theologians are worse than professional football players with respect to immorality. Even I was surprised at the Jerry Falwell-worthy comments one of my instructors (who is a pastor spewing his hate to church goers when not in a classroom) made about a rape victim.

Before I get to his vile comments about the unfortunate victim, I would like to provide some background information on this pitiful, hateful man.

This person had his upbringings in a not-so-religious home, and one day in college, he found Jesus (I still can't find that sneaky fucker - I've checked everywhere). The man became a pastor, and the rest is history.

One day, he was discussing human mortality, and his thoughts on whether or not people survive death. Nothing out of the ordinary for the snake oil merchant. Then, he told us about his father, who is long dead and gone. Apparently, his father saw no reason to believe in surviving death, frequently claiming in the nursing home, "When you die, you die, and that's it!" According to the pastor, there were some other adjectives in there, as well.

Then, with a smile on his face, he said, "I think he found out how wrong he was after he died."

Just think about that. It's one thing if you're happy about abortion doctors and homosexuals burning in hell, but this man is content at the idea of his own father spending eternity in hell!

Despicable, heartless twat.

Commenting on recent protests by so-called "pro lifers", the shameless asshole got into a diatribe about how we're "ending human lives" and all that other jazz. Well that's something I'd expect, so his little soap box speech against abortion just went in one ear and out the other with me. But this individual dug himself a deeper grave.

He informed us of a rape in the area that led to a pregnancy. The woman was a hardcore Christian, evidently. She decided to keep the tumor. The bastard stated, with a typical preacher tone, "She decided not to throw away that human life." Now, I'm actually glad that he took a stance of opposing abortion even in the case of rape, because I feel that opposing abortion but supporting exceptions for rape is a double standard. Why does that fetus, which you claim is precious, suddenly have less value if it resulted from a rape? Saying you support abortion for rape victims is a double standard. I was at least happy he had a consistent view on the issue.

But this is where this twisted man's message got toxic. Mocking women's choice rights, he said, "The only choice she was capable of making was not going to that party with a bunch of people she didn't know from Adam."

Do you see what he has done? He has put the blame of a rape on the victim! He's basically said, "Well, she went out, got raped, knocked up, and it's her own damn fault for going to that party with those strange people."

Contemptible, bitter, remorseless cunt. Pitiful, asinine, self-righteous prick.

If there is a god, this asshole is not his prophet. I cannot accept that a god as evil and maniacal as this man is behind all time, energy, and matter in the universe. I'm sorry, but Christian fundamentalism is the last place I'll derive my morality from. If anything, it shows me exactly how not to behave.

Went for a short walk this morning

On this lovely fall-ish morning, I went for a walk to my favorite spot on campus, the airport. It is in a fairly secluded location in the woods, and hardly anyone ever goes there. I really like hiking there on clear, cold winter nights to see if any planes come in or leave, something I, for some reason, love watching.

Of course, the best season of the year (winter) hasn't started yet, but a recent cold front has helped dry the hot, humid August air and has made for some very cool mornings, which will probably not return until late September. I decided to take advantage of this momentary lovely weather and hike to my favorite spot on campus, the first time I'd done so since I returned here from being home for the summer.

The walk itself is quite a joy. It's a very secluded walk, and it was made better by the unusually cool weather. I could see my breath in the rising sun, my ears were actually starting to get cold, and I even saw a flock of geese that appeared to be migrating. It stirred up some winter nostalgia and exhilaration in me, emotions I hadn't felt since last winter. It put me in a very good mood, to say the least. It was like a dramatic western movie scene where the cowboy rides away in front of some dramatic vista with exciting music playing. It was just THAT epic.

I was reminded of how lazy I was during the summer, because some of the inclines on that road made me a little out of breath. The walk hadn't killed me like that before! I figured by the end of the semester I'd be in decent shape again, though. It was well worth it, though, because when I reached the end of the walk, I got to take in deep breaths of the cool morning air and enjoy the sight of the long runway, the old aircraft hangar, the seclusion, and some of the planes parked outside the hangar. Before leaving, I even got to watch a small plane come in.

Night landings are the best, really. I love those awesome blue runway lights coming on, because they let you know a plane is coming in. Just look off to either end of the runway for a faint light, just brighter than one of the stars, slowly approaching the airport. You can hear its engines idling as it makes its descent. Very awesome.

I don't know what it is about airports and aviation and things like that, but I just really like being around that stuff. I could never fly a plane myself, given my shitty perceptual ability and godawful motor skills, but I do enjoy being around them.

I suppose being an aviation mechanic would probably be my dream job, since I do enjoy working on things like that. I don't know a damn thing about aircraft engines, aside from the different kinds there are, but it would be very interesting to learn about them.

This airport I go to is geographically secluded, but the people that work there are also considered the "black sheep" of the campus. The airport used to be a workstation choice for the college before an incident happened that led to the school ending its aviation program. I heard that it was a great workstation, and the supervisors were nothing like much of the other faculty (they weren't as uptight and cussed frequently, my kind of folks). It's a shame.

But the airport still runs, and I hike there to watch the planes or simply just for the isolation. It is quite possibly one of the few things that keeps me going strong in this cruddy location in the American Bible Belt.

What do I believe in?

I've reached an interesting conclusion recently. It's that atheism is a word that should not even be used. We do not define people by what they don't believe. You wouldn't call a Christian a non-Jew. Calling them a non-Jew is logically accurate, but it's senseless to call them that. That really doesn't tell us what they DO believe. Similarly, calling someone an atheist really doesn't give us an idea of what they do believe. Sure, it tells us they don't believe in any sort of deity, but it doesn't give us any idea what they do believe.

So what sort of things do I believe in? I believe in several things. I don't blindly worship a deity, but I have beliefs. What are these beliefs?

I believe in scientific progress. This means teaching science in science classes, not fantasy like creationism. Creationism will never make it to any peer-reviewed journal because there is no evidence for it. I believe in using physical evidence to explain things. A "feeling" is not physical evidence. The fact that you believe it does not make it true.

I believe in social progress and change. I believe in the benefit of society, the collective good. This does not mean the good of a few fat cats at AIG. I believe in the good of everyone, and that everyone has rights, even criminals, even the poor, even the disabled.

I believe in families, any families. Families by blood, families by adoption, or even a network of close friends. I believe that everyone has a right to have a family, not just heterosexual couples with their kids and their dog Spot. Everyone should be able to turn to the comfort of a family, gay or straight, by blood or adoption, with relatives or close friends.

I am a believer in morality. This means understanding that values are subjective. An understanding for one another's values is morally right. I believe that morality is measured not by tradition or dogmas, but by how well we treat our fellow man. A crusty, old alcoholic with a potty mouth who shows compassion and kindness for others is more moral than a virgin teetotaler priest who hates homosexuals and non-Christians. He may adhere to stronger traditions than the alcoholic, but he is still morally bankrupt because of his irrational resentment for people who like others with similar body parts.

I don't know what sort of word would summarize those beliefs. Maybe people could consider me a "secular humanist" or something like that. Calling me a liberal is certainly accurate. I simply believe in rational logic, and goodwill to others. I reject deities, but very strongly believe in progress and morality.

Time to rip a new asshole

I was on Facebook the other day looking through peoples' profiles at my college, and I saw something on a fellow student's profile that made me so mad I was tempted to send him a private message telling him how much of an ignorant, bigoted asshole he is.

Under his favorite quotations he had some misrepresented Stephen Colbert quote: "Atheism is a religion for people full of themselves" or some stupid shit like that.

Okay, even if Stephen Colbert really did say that, he was making fun of the religious bigots that make up the christian right. He acts like an egotistical conservative because he's making fun of them, jackass! He was making fun of people like the dumbass who put his quote on his Facebook page to make it look like something Colbert was being serious about.

Conservatives are so goddamn stupid. They don't even recognize when they're being made fun of. Someone could mock them and they would laugh about it because they'd think the person mocking them was being serious.

By the way, this dumbass fully intended the quote to represent his narrow, bigoted worldview. He boasts about being very conservative on his profile and has a bunch of shit on there where he basically sucks his god's dick like a good little ignorant, religious drone.

He fully meant to misrepresent Colbert's quote. If he seriously thought that Colbert was being serious when (and IF) he made that statement, then it shows how much this particular cocksucker doesn't understand satire and also shows that he idolizes people that sound as stupid as Colbert pretends to be. If he was fully aware that Colbert was being satirical, then he knew he was misrepresenting Colbert's quote in an attempt to quote mine for his ignorant, dogmatic cause.

It's not only crap because he misrepresented one of the funniest people in television, but also because he labels atheism as a religion (which is a complete mislabeling of a philosophy) and also because he labels all atheists as self-absorbed people.

Atheism is about as much of a religion as not collecting stamps is a hobby. Calling it a religion is an insult. Religions are superstitions and beliefs which have no evidence to support them.

He's also being repulsive in doing this because it is just plain hate. Religious bigotry. It's like getting on Facebook and saying something like, "All Jews have big noses" or something dumb like that. Sure, there are self-absorbed atheists. Just like there are self-absorbed christians and jews and whatever else. Atheism is NOT a necessary condition of self absorption. The converse is not true either. Making such a claim is full-blown irrational hatred. There's no other way to put it. It's religious bigotry.

So, this is just my "suck my balls" to dumbasses like this person who, because they can't convince intelligent people to follow their dogmatic views, quote mine and misrepresent for their cause. May the imaginary god help us if these people ever gain control of our government.

-Matt

Why am I here?

If I end up hating my college years, it will be a debt I pay for the rest of my life.

There is a building on this campus. In that building is an auditorium, with some wood text above the stage that reads, "Why come ye here?"

Fuck if I know.

It is certainly worth asking. What is a communist atheist doing at a conservative christian institution? Especially one in the south, when this particular communist HATES warm weather. What the fuck is he doing there?

The answer isn't very simple. There are a number of things that contributed to me sentencing myself to this hell. You will read later that it really wasn't a self-imposed sentence. At least not entirely. I can humbly admit that I made a very foolish mistake in choosing this institution. I encourage all of the college-bound high schoolers out there to not come within one hundred yards of the campus. Ever. I don't care if you're the poorest student on earth. There is federal and state aid out there for you. Obama plans to make FAFSAs easier to fill out. THERE ARE BETTER WAYS, people!

So, here are the reasons why I am trapped in this hell hole:

1. I was duped by the road show. The college put on a very good show for me when I was still looking around, as a naive high school student, at different campuses. It is worth noting that I made the extremely foolish mistake of not checking out other campuses. I had a few colleges in mind, but this one was the only one I actually toured. There were some external factors contributing to this, and I will explain those later.
2. At the time, I was a fairly devout christian. I was a liberal, but a christian. I liked the idea of being surrounded by other christians (little did I know that such a thing is a living nightmare).
3. Pressure. This was perhaps the greatest influence of me attending this institution. Nearly all of my relatives want me to be here. They don't want me to have to pay off student loans after I graduate, which is understandable. However, if I end up hating my college years, it will be a debt I pay for the rest of my life. I will have to live my life knowing my college years were four years of hell. I would rather pay off student loans. I could actually have most of my tuition paid off at any state university with federal and state aid, according to my SAR.
   
   My mom and my grandmother have been harping at me to stay at this hell since I started to really hate it last semester. I swear, this college could instate a rule that says all male students have to have their balls chopped off, and my grandmother would say, "Well... you don't need your testicles that bad, do you?" I wouldn't be surprised at all. Any time I've mentioned transferring to another school they get very defensive. I told my mom that if I win the lottery my ass is going somewhere else, and she just asks "Why?" in spite of me having told her that I think this place is a shithole who knows how many times. She just tells me, "Oh, it's a good school" and all that nonsense. The truth is, most businesses outside the Midwest don't even know this place exists.
   
   My grandparents took me to this campus when I was a high school senior (with the obvious motive of convincing me to go here). They spent most of the tour pointing out all the "nice things" about the campus. It was a regular festival of bullshit.
   
   I do have one supportive relative though, and that is my aunt. She is currently the only relative I have who knows I'm not a christian, and is in college herself. She has told me that, from the accounts of this hell I've given her, that she could not survive in a place like this. She would not blame me for transferring.

I kick myself in the ass to this day for ever setting foot on this campus. I wish I never applied to go here. I seriously do. I always ask myself what the hell I was thinking. It's easily one of the most foolish mistakes I've made in my lifetime. I get one life, and four years of it will be consumed by this ship of rats.

I had something lined up at this place up north. There were scholarships available. I had the government aid to do it, and I turned it down like a fool. I can't believe it. I now make it a point to tell as many college-bound students as I can to STAY AWAY. I don't want to see people making this mistake.

There is a chance I can escape after next year. I know a place up north I'd go to. WAY up north, close to Iowa. My ideal weather (well, Maine or Minnesota is more ideal for me, but it's certainly better than shitty south Missouri). If I can get the financial aid again, and maybe some private scholarships, I might be able to pull it off. I hope so. I've got one life. It's got VALUE. If something in it sucks, I need to fucking change it! That's part of being a human.

-Matt

Spring Break

Well I'm on break and, as promised, I am posting. My first spring break post is cheaply ripped from my MySpace blog...

Well I had to read The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald for my American Literature class. I just finished the book tonight. It's not a bad book. I still think that A Farewell to Arms by Hemingway kicks the shit out of all the other ones we've read, but this is possibly my second favorite. There is a passage near the end of the last chapter of the book that deals with the protagonist, living in an area he is not pleased with (New York), recalling what it was like to go home to Minnesota as a college kid on the train from Chicago.

When we pulled out into the winter night and the
real snow, our snow, began to stretch out beside us and twinkle against
the windows, and the dim lights of small Wisconsin stations moved by, a
sharp wild brace came suddenly into the air. We drew in deep breaths of
it as we walked back from dinner through the cold vestibules... That's
my Middle West - not the wheat or the prairies of lost Swede towns, but
the thrilling returning trains of my youth, and the street lamps and
sleigh bells in the frosty dark and the shadows of holly wreaths thrown
by lighted windows in the snow.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald
Great Gatsby, The
Chapter 9

Fitzgerald put this feeling of winter and going home in a way I never could. This is my favorite part of the entire book. That passage. I seriously was nearly bored with the reading until I got to that passage. My eyes widened and I was lost in it. It was truly moving. That, in my opinion, is great literature.

I am happy to be on spring break, free from the clutches of the south. Back in my nice, northern, somewhat progressive town (they voted for Obama, have to give them some props). I am anticipating winter (something I do a lot in warm weather), when I can layer up and play in the snow while freezing my ass off. Nothing like it. I should be a little more grateful for spring, I suppose. It gets me away from the south for a week and before long will let me get outside with a weed eater and have some fun (weed eating is a hobby for me).

Manifestation of a Dangerous Institution

To avoid getting my balls sued off or getting kicked out, I will not disclose which college I'm attending. I will, however, discuss the events that take place here as well as some of my academic information (under FERPA, I can do that).

I do generally well here, though these gen eds I'm forced to take may change that, with me being forced to have conservative propaganda as well as religious dogma shoved down my throat in some classes. I was told I was supposed to have children at one point. It's essentially a big kid's bible camp. People look at me like I'm some kind of blasphemer (which is accurate) or as some kind of freak when I mention not desiring to put more polluting shit machines into the world. These southerners are conditioned from birth to reproduce and have families and all that rubbish, as if life depends on it almost. Any variation from that destroys their narrow paradigm (which scares the living shit out of them).

I honestly don't see why people got so pissy about Obama's mention of people clinging to guns and religion. I think he was absolutely correct. And I think his preacher had some wise words, too. This country WAS built on the backs of slaves. Sorry if you don't like that. It's true. I couldn't give a flying fuck about him or his preacher's "controversial" comments. They're probably what needs to be said in this country, anyway.

I'm getting sidetracked, though.

This place I'm forced to attend (pressured by parents, I'm also dirt poor and need the scholarship) claims to be all about morals, when it is in fact morally bankrupt. They're almost as morally bankrupt as the bible (if you read that carefully, you'll find it is VERY morally bankrupt).

I think one of it's greatest immoralities is in its students. These godly little Christian fundies are some of the biggest partiers I've seen in my life. I know of cases where they smuggle alcohol into their rooms. They treat women like they're lower in society, believing that they are merely for kitchen duty and making even more little conservative christian robots.

"You see they didn't always let girls in (workstation censored for privacy)... which is how I think it should be today..."

"This workstation's gone downhill because they've let girls work here."
--anonymous co-worker and schoolmate

"I want someone to keep my name."

"I wanna find me a tall girl so my kids will have a chance."
--anonymous schoolmate

Clearly, we don't see a whole hell of a lot of critical thinking on their part.

They even go as far as harassing and judging students who are "different" from others. There were a couple of outcast girls at my workstation one time. They were ridiculed behind their backs by some of the other workers for no reason - other than perhaps their appearance or simple unwillingness to socialize with others. These girls had not said two words to these people, yet they were ridiculed and scorned by them for mere insociability. There's some real christian love and acceptance for you.

Then there's immorality from the administration and school. The administration is corrupt as all hell. I have first hand experience of some students treated better than others merely because they had connections. This place claims to be a college for the poor, yet they accept students who drive new Mustangs and similar vehicles around campus. Student athletes here often get the nicer dorms. I don't think such corruption is a great way to get into heaven.

Unless of course you're a catholic priest. Then corruption is the only way to get into heaven. That and raping children.

Lest we forget the way they impose on students' private lives. This ranges from censorship all the way to fascist policies restricting personal freedoms. If you try to go to a website containing information they may not want you to see on your own computer in your own dorm room, they Websense it. That's right. You are censored on your very own computer. They are trying to create a generation of more little conservative religious consumers, and they're doing it by censoring what these students see. Utter moral bankruptcy.

We have curfews, and have to be in our residence hall four nights of the week. It is a must. It's almost like we're in the seventh grade again.

We are forced to attend classes that shove conservative propaganda down our throats, and are required to watch conservative gasbags cum themselves in an auditorium listening to their own voices.

It's mind control and it's restriction of freedom.

This does not even begin to show their extreme immoral and ultimately inhumane treatment of human beings. Nothing shows it more than the oppression that, several years ago, led a student to committing suicide in the garage of one of the administrators' homes by way of intentional carbon monoxide poisoning. After (probably) being pressured by his parents to attend this highly homophobic school, this gay student could not find reconciliation anywhere. He was told by one of the pastor "counselors" that since he had not had sex with another man, the gay community would not accept him. In his mind, the gays didn't like him, and these homophobic classmates of his did not like him either.

The homophobic administration and student body killed him. They did it indirectly, but they killed him, for nothing other than the fact that he was gay.

Even more sickening was the fact that none of the professors or students was to find out about it. They tried their best to keep this tragedy quiet. Why did they want to keep it quiet so desperately? It's almost as if they may have had something to do with his death. It may have had something to do with the fact that the homophobic attitudes they promote amongst themselves and students led this man to take his own life.

I guess someone's life has lesser value if they happen to be gay.

Somewhere with such little regard for human life and personal freedom is morally bankrupt in my book. Especially homophobic, fascist, oppressive institutes like this one. Religion is the root cause. Religion places higher value on some people than on others. Killing is okay sometimes (especially if the person in question believes in a different invisible man or no invisible man, or if the person is gay). Religion is manifested through oppressive churches, schools, organizations, and other bodies and perpetuates lies, dogma, and hatred through these manifestations. It is not as moral as it claims to be.

Religion is a dangerous institution. It destroys lives and it kills.